How my opposition to gay marriage is fueled by Love

Our nation is being gravely divided right now in a civil dispute over the rights of homosexual adults to marry and enjoy the legal benefits that heterosexually married couples enjoy. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I have been advised by my religious leaders to oppose the legalization of gay marriage.

 The church has come out with various official statements about and related to this subject. These statements will serve as the framework from which I compose the rest of this post. I refer you to the following links to read more about what my church believes concerning marriage, the family, and homosexuality:

 https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

http://www.mormonsandgays.org/

 On the flipside, various statements have also come out from other groups and individuals in support of gay marriage, including evidence that children raised by gay couples fare no worse in life than children raised by heterosexual couples. Whether these cases turn out to be the norm or the exception may be too soon to tell. But I am mostly satisfied, at least, that from a temporal perspective, I can continue to be loving toward all my fellow human beings, and accepting of the diverse lifestyles of all peaceable individuals regardless of their life choices. I don’t believe in contention; I don’t believe in hate.

 Nevertheless, from a religious standpoint and eternal perspective, I must oppose gay marriage. Not out of hate, but out of love. How can that be? I will endeavor to explain my position.

 I believe gender is more than just a manifestation of physical traits. Gender is also spiritual. That is, each one of us is a spiritual being, a divine son or daughter of our Heavenly Father (otherwise known as God).

 Heavenly Father has a gender—male. And though He does not specifically mention our Heavenly Mother (no doubt out of love and respect for her and a desire to protect Her name from being abused as His has been), I believe we have one. Together, these two Heavenly beings gave “birth” (via what process I do not know) to every spirit in Heaven prior to these spirits—our spirits—being born in the flesh to an earthly father and mother in similitude of our Heavenly origins.

 While I will not be discussing the specifics of the process here, I also believe that it has been made possible for each one of us to one day become as our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother now are—to be gods ourselves, to propogate our own spiritual offspring and help them to achieve “goodhood”—or Exaltation—as well, in the same manner as we have done.

 This is the loftiest goal to which our souls can aspire—the goal of Eternal Life. But it can only be achieved through faithful diligence, acceptance of our Father’s Plan and our Savior’s Atonement, receiving sacred ordinances along the way, and no man or woman can do it alone. We need each other.

 I believe in Eternal Marriage—that is, a marriage performed as a sacred and binding ordinance, administered by proper authority (we call in the Priesthood), between a man and a woman who are to remain faithful to other and to God to the best of their ability in this life and in the life to come. Only in this way can one hope to attain full Godhood—as a team, a man and a woman.

 Now, many if not most of us will in some way fall short of this ultimate goal. But if we do, it will come as no surprise in the end.

 What do I mean by that? I mean that God and Christ (through the Atonement and Resurrection) have ensured for each one of us that we will be granted the opportunity for eternal progression. If one does not receive that opportunity in this life, it will be offered in the next. None will be disadvantaged in the eternal scheme.

 But, it has to be our choice whether or not to accept the invitation to begin and to endure upon the path to Eternal Life. And many people—unfathomable as is seems—will choose not to follow it, and will instead accept their place in a “lesser glory” or kingdom. And while it is a sad choice for God to see one of His children make, He allows that child right via the law of Free Agency to make that choice to halt his Eternal progression.

 A quick note here, but without going into great detail: I believe (as per the teachings of my church) that having a physical body is an essential part of God’s plan for each of His children. And furthermore, those sacred ordinances which I mentioned earlier which must be performed along an individual’s path to Eternal Life, must be performed physically before they can be valid spiritually. If a person is not privileged, then, to have these ordinances performed while living on this earth, a worthy member (having had his own ordinances performed already) may stand in as a proxy for that deceased spirit to receive the necessary ordinances and fullness of his promised blessings, should he be found worthy and willing to receive them.

 There are several ordinances which must be received in order, and receiving any one or more of them allows an individual to progress along the path. The highest ordinance, and the one necessary for Eternal Life or Godhood, is the sealing ordinance of Eternal Marriage. And Eternal Marriage as ordained by God, can only be between a man and a woman.

 As things currently stand, if a man and a woman are legally married in this life, but did not receive the sealing ordinance, proxies can be authorized to perform that ordinance for them, allowing that man and woman to progress toward Godhood together should they so choose.

 Also, after a couple is sealed together under the proper authority, any biological or legally-adopted children can also be sealed to those parents.

 But a legally married gay or lesbian couple cannot be sealed together in this way, nor can any children they have borne or adopted be sealed to their gay or lesbian parents.

 Here is the sad dilemma:

 If, while still in this life, a gay individual in a gay marriage were to gain a testimony of the Church and desire to join and partake of the ordinances necessary for spiritual and eternal progression, he could not be permitted to do so while his gay union stands. This puts the individual in the unfortunate situation of either divorcing his partner (whom he loves and with whom he chose to spend his life), or staying in the relationship and halting his spiritual progression. This choice becomes much more difficult if there are children involved.

 If this same individual were to come to a knowledge and acceptance of the Gospel after death, earthly records would not be such as to permit a proxy sealing of any kind. Though this same situation would occur with any unmarried individual—gay or straight. We are told in the church, that a lot of proxy work will be done after the Second Coming of Christ, and that all will be worked out in the end for anyone faithful who desires for their work to be done. If a posthumous union can be arranged for worthy straight individuals, I can only assume that the same will be true for those gays and lesbians who have repented of their earthly sins and are willing to accept eternal mates of the opposite gender. I personally do not know how it all will be worked out, but I believe that it will, because God is just and merciful.

 So why do I oppose gay marriage? Ultimately, because it causes a lot of unneccessary spiritual heartache; because it halts the progression—either temporarily or permanently—of otherwise worthy individuals; and because any family formed by a gay union cannot last into Eternity, no matter how much those family members love each other, and that is the saddest thought of all.

 I don’t expect those who do not believe as I do to accept as truth all that I have just shared. I have no real empirical evidence, aside from the witness of the Holy Spirit which has affirmed the truth of it to my soul. I do hope that it can at least serve to help others understand my position and how—believing as I believe—I must oppose gay marriage.

 For if I believe—as I do—that God’s greatest desire for each of His children is to one day become as He Himself now is, how can I desire or encourage any less for my Brothers and Sisters? For me to endorse gay marriage would be for me to imply to these people that I do not care if they achieve the same eternal rewards as I myself strive for.

 In closing, I offer up a final thought, that right does not always equal good.

 From a legal standpoint, is allowing gay marriage the right thing to do? Yes.

 From a temporal/earthly perspective, is it good? I believe the evidence for this one way or the other has yet to be seen.

 But from an eternal perspective, is gay marriage good for God’s children? To that, I can say that the answer is a definite and resounding NO.

My Testimony of God's Love for Women

My heart is burning and bursting right now. It is 3 AM on a Sunday morning and just last evening (Saturday) I attended the worldwide General Relief Society meeting broadcast for my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It was an evening full of Sisterhood, peace, love, and spiritual enlightenment as church and Relief Society leaders spoke and shared the messages which the Holy Spirit had impressed upon them to share. I am grateful for their messages, for their testimonies, and for their boldness.

Now it is my turn to be bold, to share my own testimony that Jesus Christ lives; that He is my Savior, and that He loves me.

I cannot count the number of times in my life I have heard church leaders try to impress upon us exactly how much Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love women. I’ve heard them say it many times, but never with so much force and conviction have I truly seen and felt that love for myself.

A couple weeks ago, I was having a really rough time. As the mother of three small boys ages five and under, I felt—as I often do—utterly overwhelmed with the responsibility of caring for and nurturing my family with the love, patience, energy, and understanding which I felt I should be doing but at which I feared I was failing miserably. After a long day, I was expressing some of my frustration to my husband, who had my six-month-old baby on his lap, facing me. At one point I looked at my baby and he looked back and smiled a winning smile which melted my heart as it usually does. But it was the words my husband spoke next which really arrested that particular moment in my memory.

He said, “Look, dear. Look at your baby. That is the look of true love right there.”

And right then I felt the beginning of a swelling in my soul, which has been growing ever since, and the ever-growing realization that it is true. That my Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ really do love me.

Do I deserve that love? Probably not. But they love me nonetheless, because I need that love.

And this morning I want to pronounce to my Sisters everywhere, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love women. Sure, they love all their Children. But they love Women especially, with a special love, with an extra measure of love that is ours and ours alone.

Why? Because we are the caregivers. We are the mothers. We are the wives. We are the daughters. We are the sisters. And in all these roles, it is women that the children of the Lord turn to when they need to be succored, to be nurtured, to be loved. And were it not for that extra measure of love bestowed upon us by our Creator, we would not have enough love to give to others who need it.

 

Oftentimes people in the world who wish to challenge the Church and question the role of women within the organization like to point out the fact that our church does not allow women to hold the Priesthood nor perform Priesthood ordinances. Instead, the Priesthood is reserved only for the faithful men in the Church. The world looks upon this fact and believes that women are somehow being cheated, that we are being oppressed. This is false.

In fact, I have come to believe that we as women have been given our own parallel “priesthood” within the Church and—by extension—in the world. It is different from, but no less equal to, that Priesthood Power granted to the Lord’s faithful male follwers. It is that same love of which I wrote before. Just as Christ laid his hands upon His Apostles’ heads in ancient times to confer upon them the Preisthood and Power of God on Earth—which was restored to Joseph Smith in the Latter-Days and passed down by the laying on of hands to this day—so has Christ placed His hands upon the hearts of the women of the Church and conferred upon us the Love of Christ. In other words, Charity is our priesthood. And we ought to be fulfilling our duties in this area with the same resolve and dilligence which we expect from the Brethren in fulfilling their Priesthood duties.

Within a home, a man may be the head, but the woman is the heart. Men are the heads of the Church under the authority and direction of the Savior. But without women—without the Sisters—His Love could not be poured out so abundantly as it is. It is through the women of the Church that Charity prevails. It is the Love of Christ which inspires and empowers us to serve and bless the rest of the world with that Love. It is our calling. It is our sacred trust.

I humbly and fervently pray, in the name of my Savior and Brother Jesus Christ, that I may fulfill that Calling throughout the rest of my life with the same resolve which I feel right now.

Amen.

Happy Father's Day

My dad is a good man.

Through the years, he and I haven't always agreed.

He hurt my feelings a time or two.

But I always knew he loved me. And how do I know this?

He taught me to love reading and learning.

He taught and expected me to work hard and to be self-sufficient.

He served me and my family in countless ways. He went to work every work day, often performing dull and thankless tasks, so that I could have food to eat, a bed to sleep in, piano lessons and voice lessons, and fun vacations from time to time. And when we went on these vacations, he was usually the one to drive, even as the rest of us entertained ourselves or slept.

Sure, I can remember times where he lost his temper, or got annoyed at things that seemed so minor and petty to me; but as a parent myself now, I have much more sympathy and understanding than I did back then, and I pass no judgment on my dad-- or my mom-- for any of their perceived failings. And anyway, they did a pretty darn good job, even in spite of themselves. I hope I can do at least as well with my own children as they did with me and my siblings.

My father was and IS an exceptional man.

He sat with me and patiently walked me through countless complex math problems, explaining them to me the best he could, even though I often failed to understand and more than a handful of times ended up screaming and running to my room with tears of frustration in my eyes.

He took the time to gather our family together every evening to read our scriptures and pray together. We gave him a hard time sometimes, joking around or trying to wrap up conversations which were sometimes difficult to put down. I imagine there must have been times where he and my mom both dreaded that looming half-hour every evening, knowing there was the possibility of chaos and near-warfare at times. They must have been so exhausted and tempted to just send us all to bed right away (or at least go to bed themselves) without all the fuss of "family time."

He served in various church callings, cheerfully and willingly. And he always supported my mother in her church duties as well.

He gave me a Father's Blessing every year before I started school; he blessed me when I was sick, or any other time I asked him. He kept himself worthy to perform these blessings at a moment's notice.

Sure, he wasn't perfect. But he never gave up trying.

I love my dad. He is worth loving. And his love is worth desiring, and I know he shares it willingly with me. I am so grateful for that, and for all that he does.

Thank you, Daddy. I love you.

~Sylvia

My kid's words on Mother's Day

Yesterday in Primary, all the children-- my son included-- were given a questionairre about their moms. One of the teachers filled out G's for him, according to his own dication. So, here it is (with commentary from me in parentheses):

My mom's favorite food is....juice (pretty sure he put his favorite food here)
My mom's favorite color is....pink (huh)
My mom loves me because....because she's my mom
My favorite thing to do with my mom is....play
My mom is beautiful because....she is nice
My mom is best at....fredding (I think the scribe didn't understand what G was trying to say, and so just wrote what she heard...and no, I have no idea what "fredding" is supposed to mean; and when I asked G after church, he couldn't tell me, either)
I love my mom because...I am her son

Ten Things My Mother Taught Me

1. Take care of your own messes.
2. Balance your checkbook.
3. Avoid debt.
4. Make the most of every moment.
5. Take lots of pictures.
6. Take the time to preserve your memories somewhere else besides just in your head.
7. Be involved in your childrens' lives, and involve your children in yours.
8. When you love someone, you serve them.
9. Father may be the Head of the home, but Mother is the Heart.
10. Trust in the Lord.

Happy Mother's Day.

I may be a "bad mom" for saying this, but...

...I believe I love my children best when they are SLEEPING.

Romantic Love vs. Parental Love

Okay, this question came up in an online forum and I responded there, but I thought it worth sharing my response here, because it was thought-provoking for me.

Here's the question: How do romantic love and parental love compare? How are they the same? How are they different?

Interesting question...

With my children, it is rather a different kind of love in some ways. I feel more responsible for my children than I do for my spouse. I feed them, I play with them, I comfort them...I can do all these things for my spouse, too; but when I serve him, he realizes I'm doing it out of love and that he really has no right to demand that I do these things for him, and he thanks me regularly. With my children, though, I consider it my job to care for them, and I do it whether they appreciate it or not.

It is a nurturing love. I love them because I serve them; because they need me; because even before they were born, I knew them better than anyone else in the whole world knew them.

It is an awe-inspiring love. I know hormones have a lot to do with it (don't they in romantice love, too, though?); but when I gave birth to each of my boys, and they were placed in my arms, it was a moment was like no other. And I felt my whole soul and body reaching out to that newborn baby, like but also unlike, the feeling that accompanies sex-- only more pure and innocent and 100% selfless, because I knew there was no way my child would ever be able to repay me for what I had just given him and would continue to give to him for at least the first 18 years of his life.

Even romantic love changes after having a child. I have fallen more deeply in love with my husband since having our children. We have created two lives together, we are now "creating" two young men together. It's not always easy, but, what doesn't manage to completely rip us apart can only make our bond stronger. We have learned to love each other better, and in different ways than we did before, because we've had to for our relationship to survive.

Some characteristics of a Romantic relationship versus a Parent-Child relationship...

Romantic:
You chose each other. You had time to get a "feel" for each other and decide whether or not you really wanted to be together.
You strive to "become one," where there used to be a time when you didn't even know each other and were completely independent of each other.
You are peers.
You hope to be together for the rest of your lives.
If the former turns out to be impossible, you are allowed to separate and never see each other again, and it is perfectly socially acceptable.

Parent-Child:
You chose to have a child, but he had no choice in the matter, and you have as much control over his personality as he did over yours (meaning none), yet you must learn to make the best of the situation.
You start out as "one," but over time he becomes more and more his own person, and less and less "yours."
You are at least a decade older than him (two decades if you were smart), and you will never truly be peers no matter how you may try.
You sincerely hope that he will not be with you for the rest of your life.
Sure, you can abandon your child, but if you do you will be regarded with contempt by most of society.