How my opposition to gay marriage is fueled by Love

Our nation is being gravely divided right now in a civil dispute over the rights of homosexual adults to marry and enjoy the legal benefits that heterosexually married couples enjoy. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I have been advised by my religious leaders to oppose the legalization of gay marriage.

 The church has come out with various official statements about and related to this subject. These statements will serve as the framework from which I compose the rest of this post. I refer you to the following links to read more about what my church believes concerning marriage, the family, and homosexuality:

 https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

http://www.mormonsandgays.org/

 On the flipside, various statements have also come out from other groups and individuals in support of gay marriage, including evidence that children raised by gay couples fare no worse in life than children raised by heterosexual couples. Whether these cases turn out to be the norm or the exception may be too soon to tell. But I am mostly satisfied, at least, that from a temporal perspective, I can continue to be loving toward all my fellow human beings, and accepting of the diverse lifestyles of all peaceable individuals regardless of their life choices. I don’t believe in contention; I don’t believe in hate.

 Nevertheless, from a religious standpoint and eternal perspective, I must oppose gay marriage. Not out of hate, but out of love. How can that be? I will endeavor to explain my position.

 I believe gender is more than just a manifestation of physical traits. Gender is also spiritual. That is, each one of us is a spiritual being, a divine son or daughter of our Heavenly Father (otherwise known as God).

 Heavenly Father has a gender—male. And though He does not specifically mention our Heavenly Mother (no doubt out of love and respect for her and a desire to protect Her name from being abused as His has been), I believe we have one. Together, these two Heavenly beings gave “birth” (via what process I do not know) to every spirit in Heaven prior to these spirits—our spirits—being born in the flesh to an earthly father and mother in similitude of our Heavenly origins.

 While I will not be discussing the specifics of the process here, I also believe that it has been made possible for each one of us to one day become as our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother now are—to be gods ourselves, to propogate our own spiritual offspring and help them to achieve “goodhood”—or Exaltation—as well, in the same manner as we have done.

 This is the loftiest goal to which our souls can aspire—the goal of Eternal Life. But it can only be achieved through faithful diligence, acceptance of our Father’s Plan and our Savior’s Atonement, receiving sacred ordinances along the way, and no man or woman can do it alone. We need each other.

 I believe in Eternal Marriage—that is, a marriage performed as a sacred and binding ordinance, administered by proper authority (we call in the Priesthood), between a man and a woman who are to remain faithful to other and to God to the best of their ability in this life and in the life to come. Only in this way can one hope to attain full Godhood—as a team, a man and a woman.

 Now, many if not most of us will in some way fall short of this ultimate goal. But if we do, it will come as no surprise in the end.

 What do I mean by that? I mean that God and Christ (through the Atonement and Resurrection) have ensured for each one of us that we will be granted the opportunity for eternal progression. If one does not receive that opportunity in this life, it will be offered in the next. None will be disadvantaged in the eternal scheme.

 But, it has to be our choice whether or not to accept the invitation to begin and to endure upon the path to Eternal Life. And many people—unfathomable as is seems—will choose not to follow it, and will instead accept their place in a “lesser glory” or kingdom. And while it is a sad choice for God to see one of His children make, He allows that child right via the law of Free Agency to make that choice to halt his Eternal progression.

 A quick note here, but without going into great detail: I believe (as per the teachings of my church) that having a physical body is an essential part of God’s plan for each of His children. And furthermore, those sacred ordinances which I mentioned earlier which must be performed along an individual’s path to Eternal Life, must be performed physically before they can be valid spiritually. If a person is not privileged, then, to have these ordinances performed while living on this earth, a worthy member (having had his own ordinances performed already) may stand in as a proxy for that deceased spirit to receive the necessary ordinances and fullness of his promised blessings, should he be found worthy and willing to receive them.

 There are several ordinances which must be received in order, and receiving any one or more of them allows an individual to progress along the path. The highest ordinance, and the one necessary for Eternal Life or Godhood, is the sealing ordinance of Eternal Marriage. And Eternal Marriage as ordained by God, can only be between a man and a woman.

 As things currently stand, if a man and a woman are legally married in this life, but did not receive the sealing ordinance, proxies can be authorized to perform that ordinance for them, allowing that man and woman to progress toward Godhood together should they so choose.

 Also, after a couple is sealed together under the proper authority, any biological or legally-adopted children can also be sealed to those parents.

 But a legally married gay or lesbian couple cannot be sealed together in this way, nor can any children they have borne or adopted be sealed to their gay or lesbian parents.

 Here is the sad dilemma:

 If, while still in this life, a gay individual in a gay marriage were to gain a testimony of the Church and desire to join and partake of the ordinances necessary for spiritual and eternal progression, he could not be permitted to do so while his gay union stands. This puts the individual in the unfortunate situation of either divorcing his partner (whom he loves and with whom he chose to spend his life), or staying in the relationship and halting his spiritual progression. This choice becomes much more difficult if there are children involved.

 If this same individual were to come to a knowledge and acceptance of the Gospel after death, earthly records would not be such as to permit a proxy sealing of any kind. Though this same situation would occur with any unmarried individual—gay or straight. We are told in the church, that a lot of proxy work will be done after the Second Coming of Christ, and that all will be worked out in the end for anyone faithful who desires for their work to be done. If a posthumous union can be arranged for worthy straight individuals, I can only assume that the same will be true for those gays and lesbians who have repented of their earthly sins and are willing to accept eternal mates of the opposite gender. I personally do not know how it all will be worked out, but I believe that it will, because God is just and merciful.

 So why do I oppose gay marriage? Ultimately, because it causes a lot of unneccessary spiritual heartache; because it halts the progression—either temporarily or permanently—of otherwise worthy individuals; and because any family formed by a gay union cannot last into Eternity, no matter how much those family members love each other, and that is the saddest thought of all.

 I don’t expect those who do not believe as I do to accept as truth all that I have just shared. I have no real empirical evidence, aside from the witness of the Holy Spirit which has affirmed the truth of it to my soul. I do hope that it can at least serve to help others understand my position and how—believing as I believe—I must oppose gay marriage.

 For if I believe—as I do—that God’s greatest desire for each of His children is to one day become as He Himself now is, how can I desire or encourage any less for my Brothers and Sisters? For me to endorse gay marriage would be for me to imply to these people that I do not care if they achieve the same eternal rewards as I myself strive for.

 In closing, I offer up a final thought, that right does not always equal good.

 From a legal standpoint, is allowing gay marriage the right thing to do? Yes.

 From a temporal/earthly perspective, is it good? I believe the evidence for this one way or the other has yet to be seen.

 But from an eternal perspective, is gay marriage good for God’s children? To that, I can say that the answer is a definite and resounding NO.

Ten Things My Mother Taught Me

1. Take care of your own messes.
2. Balance your checkbook.
3. Avoid debt.
4. Make the most of every moment.
5. Take lots of pictures.
6. Take the time to preserve your memories somewhere else besides just in your head.
7. Be involved in your childrens' lives, and involve your children in yours.
8. When you love someone, you serve them.
9. Father may be the Head of the home, but Mother is the Heart.
10. Trust in the Lord.

Happy Mother's Day.

Thoughts on Child Spacing

I make it a point of mine to never ask friends and acquaintances with young children, whether they plan on having more, or when. When people ask me this question (which isn't annoyingly often, just once in a while) I usually say something like, "Well, two's enough for now."

When G was just over a year old, I thought it was a good time to start on Baby #2. I wanted G to have a sibling who was near his age. I thought a 2-year age gap would be just about right. As it happened, I was able to get pregnant again within just a month or two of trying. When I miscarried later, I tried again right away as soon as my doc said it was okay. Z was born when G was 2 and a half; and as sad as I was about my miscarriage, in the end I think it a blessing that I had that extra 6 months before Baby #2 came along. In fact, if I could go back and do it differently, I think I'd have tried to give myself a whole extra year.

Planned parenthood is a very personal thing. I know couples who have had 3-5 kids all in about a year of each other, and I think they're a little crazy, but I also admire them. In a way, it seems like a good idea to have all of one's babies quickly and then to be able to be done with babies after five years or so; but then, the stress of those five years... On the other hand, I know families where their children are all spaced 5 or 6 years apart, and I don't think I envy those moms having to go through baby after baby after baby, stretched out over practically their entire adult life.

I have my two boys so far, and they are 2 and a half years apart. If I had to do it over again, I think I would have them at least 3 years apart, or else no more than one year apart. In other words, either far enough apart that the oldest is most likely potty trained and semi-independent; or else close enough in age that they can go through many milestones at the same time. But then, like I said, planned parenthood is a very personal thing; and the spacing that I think works best for me may turn out to be a bad choice for someone else; and what I would find to be a nightmare, another mother might thrive on.

Also, while I have been fortunate enough so far to pretty much get pregnant (or avoid it) at will, I know there are many women out there who don't have that luxury and are just happy to have their babies if-ever and whenever they happen to come.

Most of all, I just hope I never have triplets. ;)

I may be a "bad mom" for saying this, but...

...I believe I love my children best when they are SLEEPING.

The Perils of Working with Child Stars

When I try to get my kids to do something specific for the camera, I often end up having to take several shots. And even then, I'm not at all guaranteed to catch on film exactly what I wanted. What I get instead, though, is sometimes just as amusing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPWTEYIkIc4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pna-P4Of7KY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZP8lWC6nlhY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EV3dx2vxkkE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9dcJGfBeGI

Eventually, I just have to say "good enough," and let the boys do whatever they want.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNg0bFxlTDI

Romantic Love vs. Parental Love

Okay, this question came up in an online forum and I responded there, but I thought it worth sharing my response here, because it was thought-provoking for me.

Here's the question: How do romantic love and parental love compare? How are they the same? How are they different?

Interesting question...

With my children, it is rather a different kind of love in some ways. I feel more responsible for my children than I do for my spouse. I feed them, I play with them, I comfort them...I can do all these things for my spouse, too; but when I serve him, he realizes I'm doing it out of love and that he really has no right to demand that I do these things for him, and he thanks me regularly. With my children, though, I consider it my job to care for them, and I do it whether they appreciate it or not.

It is a nurturing love. I love them because I serve them; because they need me; because even before they were born, I knew them better than anyone else in the whole world knew them.

It is an awe-inspiring love. I know hormones have a lot to do with it (don't they in romantice love, too, though?); but when I gave birth to each of my boys, and they were placed in my arms, it was a moment was like no other. And I felt my whole soul and body reaching out to that newborn baby, like but also unlike, the feeling that accompanies sex-- only more pure and innocent and 100% selfless, because I knew there was no way my child would ever be able to repay me for what I had just given him and would continue to give to him for at least the first 18 years of his life.

Even romantic love changes after having a child. I have fallen more deeply in love with my husband since having our children. We have created two lives together, we are now "creating" two young men together. It's not always easy, but, what doesn't manage to completely rip us apart can only make our bond stronger. We have learned to love each other better, and in different ways than we did before, because we've had to for our relationship to survive.

Some characteristics of a Romantic relationship versus a Parent-Child relationship...

Romantic:
You chose each other. You had time to get a "feel" for each other and decide whether or not you really wanted to be together.
You strive to "become one," where there used to be a time when you didn't even know each other and were completely independent of each other.
You are peers.
You hope to be together for the rest of your lives.
If the former turns out to be impossible, you are allowed to separate and never see each other again, and it is perfectly socially acceptable.

Parent-Child:
You chose to have a child, but he had no choice in the matter, and you have as much control over his personality as he did over yours (meaning none), yet you must learn to make the best of the situation.
You start out as "one," but over time he becomes more and more his own person, and less and less "yours."
You are at least a decade older than him (two decades if you were smart), and you will never truly be peers no matter how you may try.
You sincerely hope that he will not be with you for the rest of your life.
Sure, you can abandon your child, but if you do you will be regarded with contempt by most of society.

Balloons

Every so often, I take my boys someplace-- the chirpractor, the fair, Nana's house-- where they are offered balloons. Balloons are cheap. They are colorful. Kids are just attracted to them somehow. And so, of course, they seem to be everywhere.

Whenever someone asks me if my kid can have a balloon, internally I cringe. The very thought of touching that latex/rubber material; or feeling it rub against my skin; or hearing it rubbing against someone or something else, sends shivers down my spine. It just...gives me the willies.

But then, I remember how much I used to love balloons as a kid. I remember watching helium-filled balloons floating up through the sky, my eyes fixated until the balloon finally disappeared to my view. I remember drawing funny faces with Sharpies and pretending my balloons were people. I remember sometimes I would get a helium-filled balloon, and after a couple of days the helium would be leaking out, but there would still be just enough left so that the balloon would drift very slowly and kind of hover in midair; I always thought that was pretty fascinating.

I remember how much I used to love balloons, and I think about all the fun my own kids would miss if I never allowed a balloon into my house. And so, when someone offers my boy a balloon, I hide my aversion and accept the offering with a smile. And my son says "thank you" with a huge grin on his face. All the way home, he holds tight to the balloon string; he cries momentarily if the balloon floats up to the ceiling and he can't reach; he wants to eat with his balloon tied to his chair; he wants to sleep with his balloon resting somewhere where he can see it all night.

Then, come morning, my son usually takes a look at his balloon and says, "Mommy, I want to pop it!" And I am all too eager to find a pin...